A few weeks ago I ran a 3 day retreat at the intersection of Happiness and Leadership for 25 senior commanders in the US military. This is a life-changing lesson learned: emotions are the essential dimension of human experience and happiness lies in mastering them.

Emotion is the currency of human interaction.

My friend Louis keeps a stack of flashcards.

Whenever he encounters a short, powerful idea he writes it on a card and adds it to the stack. He reviews a handful of cards every day. One card he shared with me said:

“The world is an energy mirror.”

After this weekend I’ve come to fully appreciate that phrase. In fact, I’m convinced emotional energy is the sort of “hidden dimension” of life.

Think of fish swimming in water (bit cliché, I know). Are they aware that they are in “the water”? I think not. One day an eagle sweeps over the water, grabs the fish and soars into the air, the fish somehow squirms out of the talons and falls back into the river.

And this fish is suddenly aware that he’s been surrounded by this clear, wet stuff the whole time.

Once you become aware of emotional energy you realize it permeates every interaction. It’s the water we humans swim in. What’s more – you can master it – you can learn to use it for yourself and for others.

We teach about [emotional contagion](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_contagion#:~:text=Emotional contagion is a form,ways%2C both implicitly or explicitly.). Emotions are transmitted from person to person via mirror neurons in less than a second. This transmission is even more rapid when there is a leader or clear emotional outlier in the room. The leader (even if informal role) will set the emotional weather for the group. Further, the group will tend to rise or fall to the level of the most outstanding emotional energy level of a person in the group.

More and more I recognize the importance of setting the emotional tone. For the most part, everyone is either an energizer or de-energizer in an interaction. (Hint if you aim for neutral you’re going to be a de-energizer). A great rule is the 10% rule. I aim to raise the energy level by 10% in every interaction I enter into. If you’re a speaker, teacher, or leader then this rule applies tenfold. Your energy will either fill the room or be a black hole that sucks all of it out.

Going back to the opening quote – “the world is an energy mirror”. Well, what is it mirroring? Your emotional energy!

We don’t see the world as it is but as we are. The world we believe in becomes the world we live it. Our internal mental/emotional state works with the external world to co-create our reality.

So if we want more out of life, we have to cultivate the sort of emotional energy we want reflected back to us by others and the world. We need to be a mindful of the emotional water we’re swimming in and become a positive “emotional contagion”.

Our true presence, with positive emotion, is the greatest gift we can give to the world and to those around us.

And that’s why I’m convinced that what I call “full range emotional mastery” is the key to an extraordinary life (as a leader, as a doer, as a person). That takes me to lesson #2…

To be extraordinary you must develop “full range emotional mastery”.

I was watching a public speaking seminar and the teacher said “remember, don’t shoot a canon at a rabbit… It’ll work, but there won’t be any rabbit when you’re done.”

The problem is most of us haven’t developed the emotional muscles to become a “canon”.

This is what I mean when I say full range emotional mastery. It’s the ability to manage one’s own emotional energy. This means, when the time is right, being able to bring it up to 11 out of 10. Now, importantly, this doesn’t mean you should be bouncing off the walls 11/10 all the time. That would make you a f--king insane person.