This is a summary of Adlerian Psychology based on The Courage to Be Disliked by Kishimi & Koga.
Alfred Adler is the lesser known “third giant” of modern psychology. His model of psychology — Individual Psychology or Adlerian Psychology — is grounded a focus on the individual’s responsibility to make choices, interpret life events, and manage their interpersonal relationships.
The focus is on understanding what life tasks (non-negotiable parts of a balanced life) are yours to manage. Think of the Serenity Prayer — "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
It is helpful in doing this to go beyond the need for recognition or affirmation — and similarly — avoid praise and rebuke in your relationships. These modes of engage are sort of “vertical” relationships: imagine telling your husband “good job doing the dishes I’m proud of you”. They imply a sort of power position and ability to pass judgement. It is better to be “horizontal” — relating to others as friends and comrades. This might be thought of as extreme authenticity and assuming the best in others.
Life tasks occur in the present — the past (including Trauma) does not matter. The future is out of reach and ever-changing. So what matters is living in the here and now and taking the best possible next step. This may require the courage to change — which means often it is fear of discomfort that holds one back from growing.
Finally — as you go this route you will find yourself contributing to others (free of a need for validation). This is the source of meaning in life.
So go through life dancing through each moment in the here and now. Do your best to contribute to others without expectations or a need for validation and assume the best in them. Take responsibility for everything in your life and do not turn away from your role in shaping your happiness through your way of life. This is the way.
The First Night — Deny Trauma