Relationships may be the single most important factor for happiness.
The year is 1938.
You have a group of mostly 18 year old guys from the poorest neighborhoods and toughest backgrounds in Boston. You have another group of guys the same age from Harvard. You and your team are going to meet with them and review their lives every single year for the rest of their lives.
As it turns out it wouldn’t stop there. The study continues on to this day at nearly 100 years across multiple generations.
What do you think made the difference in the quality of people's lives?
Was it which of these two groups they were in: privileged or poor? No. Was it what they studied or their grades? No. Was it their health and fitness or diet? No. Was it how successful they were? No.
The really significant predictor of living “the good life” or not was relationships. The quality of your relationships determines the quality of your life. Across not only that group but across multiple generations they found relationships and social connection predict not only how happy you are but how long you live. (1)
Given the work I do, people often ask what’s the secret to happiness or what’s the key to happiness. And the truth is there is no one thing. But I do believe the top priority should be relationships. This isn’t a popularity contest either or saying you have to find your soulmate. It’s more like for those who do have a partner, it is a healthy relationship, and beyond that you have a “tribe” of close friends and connection to community.
So how do we effectively cultivate relationships? That’s what we’ll cover here.
First let’s step back and consider the different types of relationships. I’d argue that they are all grounded in love. But modern English does a pretty poor job of capturing this. The Greeks had some 10 different words for love. I suggest three are most important.