This is an essential contemplation that I argue is universal.
I suggest journaling through this exercise or having a dialogue with yourself.
Begin by asking — “What do I really want?”
Once you’ve answered, ask — “Why do I want that / those things?”
And again — “What about those things do I want?”
Continue this process for 4-6 rounds…
…
Most likely, you will find that you don’t actually want the things or the outcomes. You want some positive feeling associated with them. You want what the state that they will bring you. These things are all means to an end, not ends in and of themselves. Happiness is the end. As Aristotle said (paraphrasing translations) — happiness is the only thing we seek not as a means to something else but as in end in itself.
I argue you don’t really want a great career, a nice home, a car, a cute family, a great partner, etc. And I’ll prove it.
Let’s say I’m a genie who says I can grant you all those things and more – all the recognition, money, success, and circumstances you could want. But I’m going to remove the part of your brain that allows you to feel happiness.
Would you take it?
All the things we think we want are means to an end, not an end in themselves. What we want are the feelings.
I want financial freedom because I want to feel certainty and peace —> happiness.
I want an amazing wife because I want to feel love and connection —> happiness.
I want to be a successful thought leader to feel significance and growth —> happiness.
We don’t want the things we want – we want the feelings of happiness.
And if you really get this, then life will begin to make much more sense…